Dealing with children
Friday, August 15, 2008
UMAR ibn Abi Salamah relates that the Messenger of Allah Muhammad, peace and blessing be upon him, had told him: "Child, invoke Allah's name, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you." (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
This is how the Prophet reacted when 'Umar ibn Abi Salamah — child eating in his company — was making a scene at the table setting, hastily grabbing food from here and there on the serving platter.
The Prophet is our chief example for how we should bring up our children. He did not use harsh words with the boy or hit him. Instead, he gently explained to him what the proper table manners were. Indeed, he turned the incident into an opportunity for instruction. It is a mistake in the way we are raising our children that can have a very negative effect on their personalities.
Such a one-sided approach is wrong, whether our censure is purely verbal — "You don't understand anything!" "You are a moron!" — or a physical beating. By conducting ourselves in this way, we make our children's mistakes a cause for us to shatter their self-esteem.
We weaken their developing abilities and their self-confidence. This can lead to psychological problems like introversion and fear. It is a reason some small children to suffer from bed-wetting and have impaired speech patterns. As children grow up, they retain in their memories those various humiliating punishments and feel resentment towards those who had used such an approach with them. Worse still, when they grow up, their might relate to others in the same way.
Please pause before rebuking our children and ask ourselves the following:
* Have we taught our children the correct way to conduct themselves in this situation, before they make mistakes?
* Will hitting them and using harsh words with them really instruct them and bring about the desired improvement?
We need to follow the Prophet's example and turn our children's mistakes into opportunities for guidance and for their personal development.
Confidence. It is imperative to restore the child's confidence after the child makes a mistake. This confidence is what builds strong barrier against the child repeating the same mistake in the future.
Informing. We need to inform the child of the proper mode of conduct for the situation in question.
Responsibility. We need to teach the child to bear the responsibility for his or her mistakes. This develops the child's inner proficiency. If a child breaks a glass, do not get upset. Be calm and have the child assist in cleaning up the mess. Correct the child gently and then show the child the proper way to hold the glass.
Smile. We need to smile or maintain a pleasant countenance when impressing upon a child that he or she has made a mistake.
Wise. It is important for us to make a clear distinction between the mistake and the child who committed it.
Independence. It is important for us to develop within the child the ability to clearly recognise mistakes on his own.
Listening. We need to listen to the child carefully and closely in order to understand the source of the mistake.
Brave. We must not allow the child to succumb to the fear of failure.
Patience. We must not grow despondent when the child repeats the same mistake over and over again. Love and forbearance are far more effective in dealing with children then anger and frustration. We need to be an example for our children in all aspects of life. We need to do our utmost to make our relationship with our children one of love and affection so they will readily learn from us what is correct. And Allah knows best.
Islam Today
This is how the Prophet reacted when 'Umar ibn Abi Salamah — child eating in his company — was making a scene at the table setting, hastily grabbing food from here and there on the serving platter.
The Prophet is our chief example for how we should bring up our children. He did not use harsh words with the boy or hit him. Instead, he gently explained to him what the proper table manners were. Indeed, he turned the incident into an opportunity for instruction. It is a mistake in the way we are raising our children that can have a very negative effect on their personalities.
Such a one-sided approach is wrong, whether our censure is purely verbal — "You don't understand anything!" "You are a moron!" — or a physical beating. By conducting ourselves in this way, we make our children's mistakes a cause for us to shatter their self-esteem.
We weaken their developing abilities and their self-confidence. This can lead to psychological problems like introversion and fear. It is a reason some small children to suffer from bed-wetting and have impaired speech patterns. As children grow up, they retain in their memories those various humiliating punishments and feel resentment towards those who had used such an approach with them. Worse still, when they grow up, their might relate to others in the same way.
Please pause before rebuking our children and ask ourselves the following:
* Have we taught our children the correct way to conduct themselves in this situation, before they make mistakes?
* Will hitting them and using harsh words with them really instruct them and bring about the desired improvement?
We need to follow the Prophet's example and turn our children's mistakes into opportunities for guidance and for their personal development.
Confidence. It is imperative to restore the child's confidence after the child makes a mistake. This confidence is what builds strong barrier against the child repeating the same mistake in the future.
Informing. We need to inform the child of the proper mode of conduct for the situation in question.
Responsibility. We need to teach the child to bear the responsibility for his or her mistakes. This develops the child's inner proficiency. If a child breaks a glass, do not get upset. Be calm and have the child assist in cleaning up the mess. Correct the child gently and then show the child the proper way to hold the glass.
Smile. We need to smile or maintain a pleasant countenance when impressing upon a child that he or she has made a mistake.
Wise. It is important for us to make a clear distinction between the mistake and the child who committed it.
Independence. It is important for us to develop within the child the ability to clearly recognise mistakes on his own.
Listening. We need to listen to the child carefully and closely in order to understand the source of the mistake.
Brave. We must not allow the child to succumb to the fear of failure.
Patience. We must not grow despondent when the child repeats the same mistake over and over again. Love and forbearance are far more effective in dealing with children then anger and frustration. We need to be an example for our children in all aspects of life. We need to do our utmost to make our relationship with our children one of love and affection so they will readily learn from us what is correct. And Allah knows best.
Islam Today
Business Besides Oil
